Bound Belly, Bound Breasts: Surviving the Immediate Aftermath of Stillbirth
Oct 04, 2026I am far from having integrated my son’s stillbirth, the most profound loss and sorrow I have ever felt. I have very few gems of wisdom, but I have survived the immediate postpartum time without my precious baby, and that is something.
I am here.
It has been harrowing and hard, the ache nearly indescribable. And yet, here I am.
There are things that have helped my physical postpartum healing go well, and things that have helped me traverse the deep, dark woods of grief. That is what this blog is about. I can’t tell anyone how to survive more than just the immediate aftermath of this level of devastation, but I can share the things that have helped me while they are still fresh.
If this makes the journey into the underworld a little more bearable for another woman, or gives the people who love her some ideas of how to show up for her, her family, and her other living children if she has any, then it is worth writing.
I promised my son that his life would make me a better person, a better mother, wife, and leader. I hope this serves as a tiny step forward in that direction.
In honor of my precious, sweet baby boy.
Caring for your body that has just given birth
Even without my baby in my arms, I was postpartum. My body needed care.
Belly binding, bodywork, and closing of the bones and rebozo work were part of that care for me. So were nourishing, nutrient-dense meals: slow-cooked, meat-based soups and easily digestible kitchari. The physical needs of postpartum were still there, alongside a sorrow I could barely comprehend. My community set up a meal train for my family, and it was deeply supportive.
For the birth workers and loved ones supporting a woman after stillbirth: remember she has just given birth and needs the same care as other postpartum mothers. She still needs food, rest, tenderness, and help caring for her healing body.
When your milk comes in
There is also the milk. Engorged breasts, and no baby to feed. I did not choose to encourage lactation or donate my milk.
Cold cooked cabbage leaves brought me much-needed relief in that first week. I also used sage tincture and fresh sage and mint tea with the intention of helping my milk dry up. Breast binding was part of my experience too.
The remedies I reached for
This is a personal account of what worked for me, not a treatment plan. Alongside the care above, I reached for these remedies with the following intentions:
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Homeopathic Phytolacca for engorged breasts during those first weeks.
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Homeopathic Ignatia amara for emotional distress.
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Rescue Remedy for support through stress.
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Motherwort, lemon balm, and reishi for nervous system support.
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Magnesium glycinate for sleep and stress.
Books I turned to
Books I want to share here are Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg, The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise is by Martín Prechtel. To Tend and To Hold by Eileen Rosete. The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller.
Care for living children
If there are older children, help entertain them. Play with them. Bring toys, books, or things to color.
So much of parenting takes a backseat after loss, and kids still want to play. Having someone available for that is a meaningful way to care for the whole family.
They also have their moments of grief.
My eldest said the most succinct things, and wrote them down for us:
“We wanted a live baby, but instead we got a dead one.”
“All that waiting for nothing.”
“Mommy, can we try again for another baby, and if that one dies, can we try again, and again?”
Sometimes he wrote directly to his brother:
“Things are different without you, if you had survived, we would be happy.”
Our children were waiting for him, too. They need room for their grief, and they still need room to be children. If you are wondering how to help, spending time with them is a place to begin.
Get into nature when you can
Get into nature as soon as your body is ready, and be open to what you might find there.
Any way of connecting with your baby other than having him Earthside can feel unacceptable. And yet, some of the moments that have brought me the most comfort so far were in nature.
From my first visit outdoors, emerald scarab beetles kept coming to me. Landing in my hair, circling my face, landing on my arm, and in the palm of my hand.
Never before in my life had I had any connection with these insects. They are large, and they are loud. And yet, I knew this was an opportunity to connect.
I can’t tell another woman what that connection will look like for her. I can only share that these moments brought me comfort in a time when very little could.
Build an altar
Losing a child is extremely disorienting. I needed a place to orient my energy toward after his body was gone.
Building an altar helped my entire family quickly, especially my three-year-old. It gave us somewhere to bring our love and our attention.
If this speaks to you, make a place for your baby. It does not need to be elaborate. A candle, flowers, drawings, notes, photos, any items that belonged to or were meant for your baby, items from nature, or something meaningful can be a beginning.
Dark times call for lots of beauty
Flowers. Candles. Music. Scents.
I found comfort in long-burning beeswax prayer candles, and in burning sacred frankincense and myrrh. The album Wails by Alexandra Blakely has been a companion in my grief.
There was still a need for beauty in the midst of all this sorrow. Something to look at, something to listen to, something to tend.
If you are wondering whether to send the flowers, send them. Send the food. Send the card.
You do not have to find words that make this better. There are no words that can give us back our baby. You can even say, "there are no words," which is so much better than saying nothing. There are many ways to show up, and those things matter- a lot.
To the women who share this path
I am still in the woods. I am still learning how to live with this loss.
What I have to offer right now is simply what helped me through the immediate aftermath: care for my body, help with my children, nourishment, beauty, ritual, and moments of connection with my son.
To all the women who have walked this path before me, and all those who will walk it after me: I hate that we share this.
And you are not alone.
I offered bereavement massage at Sparrow’s Nest long before my own loss. Having now lived through this loss myself, and received hands-on care in my darkest times, I know how powerful this care can be. If you are looking for hands-on care after any kind of loss, no matter how long it’s been, we are here for you.
I've added links throughout this blog for ease. I am not an affiliate for any brand or product referenced here except for my business, Sparrow's Nest.
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