How to Support Massage Clients Through Womb Loss Without Saying the Wrong Thing

A trauma-informed guide for massage therapists offering bereavement massage after miscarriage, stillbirth, or pregnancy loss.

Loss is interwoven into maternity massage work, whether we acknowledge it or not. And as massage therapists serving women and families during these tender life stages, we’re bound to encounter it. Sometimes our clients will be open about it. Sometimes we’ll find out later. Sometimes we won’t ever know, but it’s there, held quietly in the body.

This work matters. And this blog is for any massage therapist who wants to be of service when that kind of loss finds its way to your table.

Why Bereavement Massage Needs Visibility
It took me a while to realize this, but once I named bereavement massage as a distinct offering on my menu, women started coming. Not new women, necessarily. Many were already my clients. But giving it a name gave them permission to come. It sent a message: You are welcome here. We see you.

Sometimes loss is wrapped up in shame, silence, or confusion. Sometimes women try to shelter others from their pain or avoid feeling like a burden. By naming it, we help soften that. We offer a bridge.

Words Matter, And Less is Often More
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we don’t need to say a lot. But what we do say should be thoughtful.

A few things we always say in session:
"I’m so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you for coming in and trusting me to support you."

"Please feel free to share as little or as much as you'd like with me about your loss."

Those few sentences can create a lot of space for the client to lead. Some clients have talked about their experience at length in therapy and don’t need to relive it in the massage room. What they’re yearning for is touch, to help their body move the grief. Others haven’t spoken about it at all and may be grateful for the chance.

We also reflect language back. If a client says "the baby," we say "the baby." If she uses her baby’s name, we use her baby’s name. If she says "the pregnancy" or uses "it," we honor that too. Language is personal. It can also evolve over time. For example, I had a client who lost a baby in the third trimester. It was a very wanted pregnancy, and yet, early on after the loss, my client referred to the loss as “it.” After a few months, she referred to “the baby,” and years after the loss, she only used her baby’s name. And we need to be comfortable supporting that full range. Her language choice is often a coping mechanism; not a sign of detachment, but of deep attachment. That choice creates just enough distance to help her survive the unspeakable.

What Not to Say
There are phrases people often use in an attempt to comfort, but they can actually cause more harm by diminishing the grief and significance of the loss.

Avoid saying things like:

• "Oh, don’t worry, you can try again."
• "Everything happens for a reason."

• "At least you know you can get pregnant." 

• "At least you have other kids at home."

Each and every pregnancy is precious. While these may be said with good intent, the result is often to minimize the valid grief and emotional weight of what’s been lost. Even if she has other children, she will never have this pregnancy or this baby again. It matters. And honoring that truth is one of the most healing things we can offer.

Be Mindful When Sharing Stories
It may feel natural to want to share your own experience or a story from another client as a way to connect, but doing so can unintentionally shift focus away from her unique grief. Even well-meaning stories can diminish or distract from the depth of her experience.

If you truly believe a story might offer comfort or insight, ask permission first. Try saying, “Would it feel supportive to hear how another client of mine navigated her loss?” This simple question gives her the choice to decline or receive, without being inundated with an unsolicited story.

Remember, less is often more. Your touch and grounded presence are the most powerful tools you have. Before speaking, pause and ask yourself:
Is this story truly in service of her healing, or am I trying to soothe my own discomfort in the silence?

Allow space for stillness. Silence is not empty, it’s sacred. It invites breath, awareness, and emotional integration. It’s in those quiet moments that real healing often begins.

Setting the Space with Intention
In our bereavement rooms, we don’t have pregnancy imagery. Just nature-inspired art and soft, neutral tones. If you only have one room and can’t change everything, that’s okay. A draped scarf over a photo, or a gentle heads-up that she will see pregnancy images before she walks in, can go a long way.

Create the Container Before the Massage Begins

Set the tone by clearly offering safety, choice, and permission from the start. You might say:

“This is your session, and I’m here to be of the highest service to you. If at any point you’d like something to be different, whether that’s slowing down, pausing, or even stopping the session entirely, please don’t hesitate to let me know. I also want you to know that emotional release is possible. If tears come, they are welcome here. They can be a powerful release for your body that has been holding so much.”

A Bereaved Client is a Postpartum Client
This might be the most important thing I can share.

Even in early loss, the body has gone through significant changes. In later losses, there’s been birth, milk production, hormonal shifts. She is postpartum. And we treat her as such.

That means:

• Considering clot risk and other safety precautions
  
  
• Supporting milk production, or suppression (remember, some bereaved mothers will be pumping and donating their milk).
  
  
• Addressing her reported places of holding and tension
  
  
• Offering grounding work that brings energy back to the midline
• Facilitating breath expansion and reconnection with the body
  
  

Techniques that Help
Some of our go-to techniques in bereavement massage include:

• Gentle abdominal massage (when safe and welcome)
  
  
• “Mother Swaddling” with a flat sheet to create a sense of containment
  
  
• Rocking motions to soothe the nervous system
• Sidelying positioning for comfort and nervous system support

What Touch Can Do

• Help process stored grief
  
  
• Reduce stress and encourage emotional release
  
  
• Ease physical pain
  
  
• Convey safety, reverence, and nurturance
  
  
• Help her feel at home in her body again
  
  
• Support self-forgiveness if she feels her body failed her

All of this should be done with a trauma-informed approach.

Safety Checks to Keep in Mind
Ask about things like:

• Any postpartum complications (fever, inflammation, unusual pain)
  
  
• Breast tenderness, especially if milk has come in
  
  
• Signs of depression or overwhelm that might need referral
  
  

Have resources on hand for mental health support, support groups, and books. You don’t need to be the expert in all those areas, but you can be the one who connects them to care. In addition to having local talk therapists who specialize in loss and traumatic birth, some resources on my referral list at Sparrow’s Nest include:

• To Tend and to Hold
  
  
• Birth, Breath, and Death
  
  
• I Had a Miscarriage
  
  
• Sisters in Loss
  
  
• A Soulful Sorrow
  
  

And Take Care of You, Too
Sessions like these can stay with us. It’s okay to process them. Talk to a trusted colleague, step outside for a moment, write it down. You’re not a robot. You’re a human holding space for something really big. That deserves tending, too. You can also find support and learning topics inside the Maternity Massage Collective, a free Facebook group facilitated by myself and Pamela Guldi.

Loss Doesn’t Follow a Timeline
Clients may come in days after a loss. Or years later. Some will come once. Others will return again and again as they peel back layers of their grief. Make sure they know they can come back multiple times, and that healing takes time.

Your presence, your skill, and your heart can do so much. You don’t have to fix it. Just being there, with attunement, safety, and care, is enough.

And it’s needed.

At Sparrow’s Nest, all of our massage practitioners are trained in bereavement massage. Many of the postpartum techniques that support clients navigating loss are taught in the 32-Hour Pre- and Perinatal Massage Workshop, led either by me, or other authorized instructors of Carole Osborne’s work.  If you’re a massage therapist or student looking for a robust training in maternity care, this is the course for you.